RPA & The United Nations Of Sound - United Nations Of Sound

 
Dear Richard,

 
It is with a heavy heart that I find myself writing to you under these circumstances. What the hell happened, man? You know, the music you made back in the nineties actually changed peoples’ lives, my own included. You were the new Mick, a cooler Liam, the dark comedown after Britpop had jumped the shark at 10 Downing Street, and look at you now… Jesus, you make Jim Morrison sound like Yeats.
 
Like I say, I’m a huge fan – even of your solo stuff. I’ve stuck with you through the “I’ve made this generation’s What’s Going On” quotes that heralded the release of Human Conditions; the tunes were still there, and at least you were still referring to yourself as human (which, by your recent standards, was pretty humble of you). And you know what else? I really liked Forth, the record you made with your old mates a couple of years ago. Sure, it was a rehash of shit you did fifteen years previously, but it still spoke to me, moved me even. And now it’s time for your latest ‘project’, a Verve-less affair since you told them all to fuck off again. And I really don’t know where to start.
 
You mention on the opening track, ‘Are You Ready?’, that you are ready for something. You also ask us if we are ready. For what exactly? You ask us something like eighty-nine times during the song’s six-minute duration, so you must be pretty concerned. What if we aren’t ready? Should we turn back now? Basically, this track acts as a warning to any Verve fans hoping for a glimmer of the genius that has long since started to fade. Is this what happens to you when you have a beautiful wife and smoke more weed than all the members of The Wu-Tang Clan combined? Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown, baby.
 
Track two is actually okay(ish). You’ve got a decent beat going, and what’s this I hear?!? A melody! Some of the lyrics, though: “Cancel my subscription to the resurrection”, “I’ve destroyed my ego just to make the space” and the real kicker, “I saw Venus up in the sky / I turned down my head and Serena smiled”. Seriously? And what the heck has happened to your voice? It’s shattered. All those “Aaarrrggghhh”s that used to sound so life-affirming now sound like a ragged seventy year-old that’s been told one too many times at the bar that he’s had enough. And the guitar that squeals like a pig in Deliverance?  ON EVERY TRACK?!? Urgh.
 
Look, I get it that you think music is life, and life is soul, and that is power, and that is also music, and that you love your missus – who also has a soul and likes music – and that she has power over you. It’s fine. We all get it! On ‘This Thing Called Life’ you tell us that she’s also your father and your sister and your mother and your brother – and even that’s cool if you’re into it. You tell us repeatedly to “do this thing called life”. Richard, I’d really love to, but I’m afraid I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.
 
I could go on and rip the rest of United Nations… apart, but the truth is I don’t want to. I also don’t want to listen to it again to pull out any more choice ‘lyrics’. It’s too tough, Richard. I still love you, but I’m sorry – I need a break. I know you mean it, man! But this really is the definition of self-indulgence. I mean, even your band are laughing at you on the sleeve. Mind yourself, Richie… I’m getting really worried.
 
 
Yours sincerely,
 
Ragged Words